Having A Confident Mindset by Carolyn R. Owens

Having A Confident Mindset by Carolyn R. Owens

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One of my favorite quotes I like to share is by Gabourey Sidbie. Your probably know of her from starring in the movie Precious and with Eddie Murphy in Tower Heist. Some people look at her and say, she is not America’s typical standard of beauty  but she certainly does not see herself that way.  The quote goes like this – “People always ask me ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl….”   Wow! How powerful is that. Gabourery Sidbie displays the utmost confidence and is very comfortable with who she is.  Unfortunately there is a large population of women who don’t feel that way; I hear it so often when I first begin working with a someone.

13483_943959758957168_9035988620520763662_nThere have been many studies done that report that women display less confidence then men, women won’t take risks, they won’t ask for raises, and they typically won’t do things they always wanted to do. As a result, I believe, we are not living up to the full potential that God has given us.  This lack of confidence takes a certain hold over us not allowing us to move forward and achieve the success we desire.

A lack of confidence often stems from feelings like you are not good enough, you are unworthy, not skinny or pretty enough, and that dirty word FEAR. We all know what fear really means – False Evidence Appearing Real.

Each of us has things or triggers that can happen that will drain our confidence away. When these things start pulling at us, we can experience different ranges of emotions ranging from self-doubt, fear, anger, and helplessness. This overwhelming feeling can even lead to physical things like breaking out in rashes, sweating, butterflies in the stomach, nausea, etc. Usually there is also some sort of internal dialog going on in the head the heightens the situation.

It can be difficult to make the most of your life when you are constantly talking yourself out of going for the life and happiness you really want.   It can be frustrating and discouraging to have these thoughts constantly plaguing you. Many of us, in fact, don’t even realize we have them! All we know is that we don’t have the confidence to step out of our comfort zone, take risks and truly live. But I want to let you know, it doesn’t have to be this way!  Instead of obeying your negative commands, you can use positive self-talk to counter the negativity and overcome nearly all anxious thoughts.

In order to be a confident person you have to start seeing yourself in a whole new light. You have to begin to change the stories you keep telling yourself about yourself.  Here are a few tips and techniques to help boost your confidence.

Stop focusing on how you are coming up short in your actions and recognize and remember the qualities that make you truly unique. Spend time reflecting on who you really are and appreciate your uniqueness.  Think about what you are truly good at, accomplishments you have achieved no matter how big or small they may seem, what do you really want to do? By being in touch with your authentic self you will become more confident.

Observe your own behaviors and thought patterns when you begin to feel less confident. What triggered it for you?  How can you replace the thoughts with positive empowering statements that will shift your thinking?

Do you allow time for self care?  We don’t realize how powerful taking time to care for ourselves can make us feel, increasing our confidence levels.

Everyone experiences a lack of confidence at some time or another, no one is 100% self-assured. The difference with those who are successful, they are willing to take risks to reach their goals.  Remember you can shake off the thoughts and beliefs that have been holding you back. It may take some practice as you have been holding on to this way of thinking for sometime. It all starts with one small step! As a final thought, in the words of Anna Freud,  “I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within.  It was there all the time.”


Carolyn R. Owens is a Career, Leadership and Life Coach and the Chairwoman/CEO of Infinity Coaching, Inc. (www.infinitycoaching.net), helping women up-level their skills so they can up-level their income. Connect with Carolyn via email at cowens@infinitycoaching.net or on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/cowensinfinitycoaching/en

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